Situational Comedies
by UchiHime
Summary: Harry and Seamus have just broken up and now Seamus is dating Dean, but Harry is not jealous. And will Draco leave him the bloody hell alone. HPSF, DTSF, DMHP


Title: Situational Comedies  
Pairings: Harry/Seamus, Dean/Seamus, Draco/Harry  
Summary: Harry and Seamus have just broken up and Seamus is already dating Dean, but Harry is not jealous. Why would he be jealous. He's just a bit angry is all. And would Draco just leave him the bloody hell alone and stop coming on to him. And what the hell is UST?  
Rated: M, for smut  
AN: I've had about half this story written for a while and just got around to finishing it recently. I hope you enjoy it, and please review.

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**Situational Comedies**

It had been Seamus that initialized the relationship in the first place; Harry had just gone along with it because he had just come to terms with his sexuality, Seamus was desperate after Dean had started dating some Ravenclaw girl, and Harry hadn't known any other guy in the school who leaned the same way as him that he was comfortable enough with to date. So it had really just been a relationship of convenience for the both of them. They hadn't even done much either. They'd hugged a bit and kissed a couple of times, but that was about all. Not many people even realized that they were together until they had said so. There wasn't really any romantic attachment between them. So when Seamus came to Harry saying that they weren't working out and that maybe hooking up wasn't such a good idea and it would be better if they remained just friends, Harry had agreed without thought. The breakup had been on mutual terms.

So why was Harry sitting in the common room, watching Seamus and Dean flirt with each other, and feeling as if his heart was being ripped out? There really hadn't been any emotional connection to his relationship with Seamus. There was no reason what so ever for him to feel bitter or jealous. The bloody relationship hadn't even lasted that long, just under a month really. So why was it so hard for him to keep himself from hexing Dean into the middle of next week?

Harry tried to ignore the two other boys and pay attention to his Potions essay instead, Professor Slughorn had been feeling nearly as sadistic as Snape the previous Monday and had assigned a foot and a half paper on the properties of gillyroot and Harry's paper was no where near that length since he really only knew one use for the aquatic plant. He tried to remember some of the things Neville had mentioned about the plant, but his attention kept wavering and slipping back to Dean and Seamus sitting over by the fire. Apparently Dean had just broken up with his Ravenclaw as well and Harry couldn't help but think it wasn't a mere coincidence that Seamus had chosen this time to end things with him.

Dean was motioning Seamus towards him and Seamus came with only teasing resistance. Seamus leaned over Dean's chair and Dean whispered something in his ear causing the Irishmen to giggle and turn red. Harry's quill stabbed a hole through his scroll and he growled in annoyance.

"Are you alright, Harry?" Hermione asked before mumbling a charm and waving her wand to repair Harry's paper.

Harry turned his hard eyes to the bushy haired brunette and threw down his quill in a huff. "I need air," he spat venomously before pushing himself up from his seat and storming out of the Common Room.

|::-x-::|

The Astronomy Tower was thankfully empty when Harry arrived there. It was almost curfew and the numerous couples that usually used the tower as a make-out point most likely thought the early December air to be too cold for them. The chill didn't really bother Harry, despite the fact he'd left without his cloak. It seemed his completely irrational anger was enough to keep him warm.

Harry wondered why exactly was he so angry. So what if he and Seamus had only _just_ broken up. If the Irishmen wanted to go find himself a new boyfriend well more power to him. Harry wasn't jealous. No, he wasn't jealous at all. He was just a little upset is all. It really was too soon for Seamus to be moving on though. There had to be some unwritten rule that stated a refractory period between relationships, right? Harry wouldn't know since this was the closest he'd ever come to a real relationship. But there had to be such a rule. Not that it mattered; Harry was not jealous. Absolutely not. There was no way in hell he was jealous.

"So maybe I am a little jealous," Harry admitted aloud to the empty tower, "but I have right to be. I mean we only _just _broke up. I'm allowed to be jealous. Right?" Harry groaned and yanked at his hair. "Damn it, Harry, get a hold of yourself. You're being petty. So what if Seamus gets a new boyfriend; you already agreed that there was really nothing between the two of you but friendship. If you're really his friend you'll allow him this happiness; you know he's been pining for Dean since forever. But if he was really _your_ friend; he wouldn't be flaunting his new relationship in front of you after you'd _just_ broken up. Damn it, Harry, green is not your color; stop being so jealous and petty. But-"

"Potter, you do realize talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity."

Harry whirled around to see who had just joined him on the tower. "Malfoy," he hissed, "what are you doing here?"

Draco smirked. "As a prefect it is my job to run rounds through the hallways after hours. And not only are you out after curfew, Potter, but you're also up here talking to yourself like some loon."

"I wasn't talking to myself; I was thinking out loud." A feeble defense, but a valid one nonetheless.

"Po-tay-toe, po-tot-toe, just admit you've lost your mind."

"I have _not _lost my mind."

"Right, just your boyfriend. If it's of any consultation, the two of you did not make a good couple. You're way out of his league for starters."

"Oh, really?" Harry inquired curiously. "And who, if I may ask, is more in my league."

"Me, of course." Draco's answer sounded as if he was challenging the Gryffindor to disagree.

Harry gave Draco a calculating look, letting his eyes roam over the boy as if for the first time even considering him as anything other than a pain in the arse. Admittedly, Draco was a gorgeous specimen of man, slender and muscular, with hoary white skin that looked as smooth as silk, hair that seemed to be spun from silver, and eyes that glittered mischievously in the moonlight like captured stars. This was not the first time Harry had noticed the beauty of his rival, but he was not going to let Draco know that. "Tempting as that sounds, I'm not interested."

He stepped passed Draco and disappeared down the stairs.

|::-x-::|

It was official, Seamus Finnegan and Dean Thomas were now an item, something half the school had been expecting for years now, but also something that ticked Harry off to no ends. And no, he was NOT jealous.

"You know, Potter, glaring at them will not win you Finnegan back." Draco stated from where he stood across from Harry in DADA. Snape had paired the two of them together to practice nonverbal attack and shielding charms, but Harry wasn't even putting forth an effort as his attention drifted over to Dean and Seamus who were working together seeing as the only partners Snape had assigned had been Harry and Draco as well as Hermione and Ron to two other Slytherin sixth years.

"Shut up, Malfoy." Harry growled shooting a nonverbal tickling charm at him; Draco effortlessly blocked it with a nonverbal shield.

"Strike a nerve did I?" Draco taunted. "Maybe if you ask nicely, they'll let you join in for a threesome." Draco shot a nonverbal jelly legs jinx at Harry, which met its mark when Harry failed at getting his shield up in time. "Or you could take me up on my offer."

Harry glared at the blond as he cast the counter-jinx on himself and shot off a nonverbal _Stupefy_, which Draco again shielded against without problem. "In your dreams, Malfoy."

"So true, Potter, and what good dreams they are."

"You're sick." Harry hissed.

"At least I'm not the one jealous for no real reason. If you wanted Finnegan so badly maybe you should have just fucked him so good he'd never want to let you go."

Harry's famous temper rose and he forgot the lesson was suppose to be nonverbal as he yelled a jinx at Malfoy.

"Potter," Snape's voice called, "this lesson is over _nonverbal_ spells. As in ones you don't say out loud. Ten points from Gryffindor for not following instructions, another ten points for not using an approved spell." Snape used _Finite_ on the jinx Harry had cast, which was one that really should have been considered dark since it constricted the victim's airways making it overly difficult for them to breathe and if left on long enough it could lead to permanent brain damage due lack of oxygen or, ultimately, death by asphyxiation, Harry had learned it from the Half-blood Prince's book. "Malfoy, are you ok?"

"Yes, professor."

"Potter, detention with Filch Friday night for the use of dark hexes on another student. Now get back to work." Snape stalked away, his robes billowing behind him as he did so.

"Wow, Potter, didn't know you had it in you; that curse very dark. Sure Finnegan didn't leave you for being a dark wizard."

"Shut it, Malfoy, and stop trying to bait me."

"You know, baiting you would be a lot less fun if you were not so quick to bite."

"Shut up, Malfoy." Harry shot a nonverbal bat boogey hex at the blond. This time Draco was ready and had his shield in place.

"You know, Potter, if you ever want to stop acting the part of jealous ex-boyfriend my bed is always open to new partners."

Harry ignored the blond's words and shot another jinx at him.

|::-x-::|

Friday night had finally rolled around Harry had never been so glad for having a detention in his life. All week long he had been forced to watch Dean and Seamus together and it was driving him up the bloody wall. They were always together, hanging off each other's arms, whispering in each other's ears, giggling at each other's jokes, and even sleeping in each other's beds. If Harry had to sit in the Common Room one more night and watch the two of them snog each other senseless someone was going to get hurt. And he was bloody well NOT JEALOUS!

So Friday night detention with Filch was a welcome reprieve from his two hopelessly enamored dorm mates. Under the caretaker's watchful eye, Harry was set to polishing every award and medal in the Trophy Room without a wand. The task was tedious, but simple enough and he quickly fell into his old habits of giving the work at hand his undivided attention like he did at the Dursleys. It kept his thoughts from drifting to a certain couple that he was totally not jealous of.

He was so lost in his task that he didn't notice when someone else came into the Trophy Room and said something to the Caretaker that had him running off as quickly as he could, until he heard a familiar drawling voice speak to him. "You missed a spot, Potter." Draco said, looking down his nose at Harry with a Holier-that-thou sneer on his face.

"Sod off, Malfoy, don't you have better things to do than intrude on my detention."

"Not really, Potter, no. Why would I miss the opportunity to see the Great Harry Potter lowered to the status of House Elf?"

"What is that you want, Malfoy?" Harry asked, throwing down his cleaning rag and glaring at his schoolyard rival.

"To put it simply, Potter, you. I'm sure I've made it quite clear of that before and quite frankly all this UST is really beginning to wear on my nerves."

"UST?"

"Unresolved Sexual Tension."

"You speak as if I care."

"Oh, but you should." Draco smirked. "It's obviously UST that has gotten your knickers in a twist lately, since we both know you don't care a lick for Finnegan as more than a friend. I propose the two of us go find an empty classroom and we can both be relieved of this problem right now."

"I propose you sod off, Malfoy."

"What's the matter, Potter, scared of one little shag with your so called enemy? Afraid you might like it and come back for more."

"As if, Malfoy. Why would you want to shag me anyway?"

"Well obviously because you're bloody gorgeous. Have you seen yourself, Potter? You look damn edible and just scream shag me. Especially that hair of yours."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Good to know. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got work to do. Where's Filch, by the way."

"Peeves has flooded all the bathrooms third floor and above. I estimate he won't be back tonight and he told me to watch you until I deem fitting for you to stop. Which means I could keep you here all night if I wanted to."

"But you won't, because you'll eventually need to slitter on back to the snake pit and catch up on you beauty sleep."

"I don't need beauty sleep, looking this good comes naturally."

"I'm sure it does. Along with that big head of yours and over large ego. How is it possible for someone to be so bloody full of themselves?"

"You love my big ego."

"Keep telling yourself that." Harry returned to his assigned task and ignored any other comments Draco sent his way until the blond finally released him for the night.

|::-x-::|

Harry had just finished an essay due for Transfiguration on Monday and had decided he'd deserved a chance to take a walk and clear him mind after all his hard work. He supposed he would have been too much to wish for the Astronomy Tower to be empty that night, being a weekend and slightly warmer than previous nights, but he could hope. Nothing he'd done could have prepared him for what he saw when he opened to door at the top of the tower, though. Dean leaned against one of the tower's walls with his pants halfway down and Seamus kneeling in front of him, the black boy's cock in his mouth. It seemed forever before his mind fully comprehended what he was seeing, and then a wave of intense arousal washed through him and he barely managed to tear his eyes away and turn and rush back down the stairs.

Rushing through the hallways, not paying attention to where he was going, Harry didn't realized someone had rounded the corner towards him until he crashed into a hard body and sent them both sprawling to the floor. "Bloody hell, watch where you're going." A familiar voice snapped.

Harry blushed. "Er, sorry, Malfoy."

"Potter? What the bloody hell is your problem?" Draco hissed. "Did you not see me coming or what." The blond squirmed a bit as he sat up, Harry had landed straddling the blond's lap and had yet to move. "Oh my. Perhaps you did see me coming after all," Draco said raising his hips to rub against Harry's groin, making Harry realize the erection he'd gotten from witnessing the scene in the Astronomy Tower had not faded and was now pressing against Draco. "You ready to take me up on my offer?"

"Actually, yes I am."

|::-graphic smut warning-::|

How they had managed to get to the Room of Requirement and acquire a room was a pleasant blur in the back of Harry's mind, one that involved lots of kissing, groping, and being pressed against random walls for heavy petting. Eventually they had made it to the room and now Harry was laying naked on a bed with Draco hovering over him.

Draco's mouth was mashed against Harry's in a heated kiss that was all tongues and teeth and not nearly enough oxygen. Draco nibbled mercilessly on Harry's lower lip, before delving his tongue into the Gryffindor's mouth and running it across every available surface. Harry's tongue met Draco's and they engaged in a fierce battle for dominance, one that Draco effortlessly won. Draco's hands roamed across Harry's chest, leaving a burning trail where they touched.

Draco finally released Harry from the kiss, and instead turned his attention to the hollow of the boy's neck. He kissed along his jawline, before sucking gently on his pulse point, only to bite the same spot sharply. Harry moaned from the attention his needy body was getting, not at all minding the slight pain laced with the pleasure. "Nnn-, Draco, more."

Draco smirked down at Harry, but said nothing, instead he turned his attention to Harry's left nipple, licking lightly on the nub, before blowing cool air on it causing it to harden, and then biting down on it hard. Harry gave a loud moan in pleasurable pain and Draco repeated his actions with his right nipple. "Draco." Harry panted.

Draco returned his attention to Harry's lips, this time kissing him more gently, but still a bit brutally. Long slender fingers wrapped around Harry's hard cock and began to play it up and down, causing Harry to arch off the bed and thrust into the sinful touch.

Harry was on fire. His skin was burning everywhere Draco touched him. His lungs were burning from lack of air due to Draco's unrelenting kiss. His blood was boiling with the passion and lust running through his veins. Harry was on fire, but he couldn't complain because he rather liked burning.

Draco bit off his kiss and began to slide his tongue down Harry's neck, down his chest, circling both his nipples, before tracing the creases of his abs and further down to his belly button. Harry was bucking his hips and moaning wantonly before the Slytherin even reach his destination, but he really lost control when Draco's sinful tongue finally found his erect member and traced the hard organ from base to tip. "Draco," Harry entangled his fingers in the other's silver locks and thrust his hips.

"Impatient, aren't you, Potter." Draco chuckled, pulling away from the Gryffindor's needed body. "I should make you wait a little longer."

"Do that and I'll hex you into the middle of next week." Threats didn't sound as threatening when they were panted out breathlessly through kissed bruised lips.

Draco chuckled and Harry let a slow hiss escape his lips when the other male took him completely in his mouth. He was on fire again, burning as his fiery erect was enclosed in the moist hot cavern of Draco's mouth. But then the heat was gone as Draco released him and pulled away. Harry shot a glare in the Slytherin's direction and opened his mouth to curse him for being such a bloody tease, but stopped when he saw the blond reaching for his wand. Draco mumbled something and Harry squirmed when he was suddenly filled with slick lubricant.

Draco was back to sucking greedily on Harry's cock and the Gryffindor gasped when he felt something poking at his entrance, his body automatically tensing at the unexpected intrusion. "Draco."

"Harry, relax." Draco hissed. "You're so bloody tight, relax."

Harry tried to relax by concentrating on the pleasure still being dealt to his nether-regions, but he tensed again when he felt a second finger being slipped in with the first. Draco didn't say anything this time, just ceased the movement of his fingers and continued sucking on the member in his mouth until Harry relaxed. Again, Harry concentrated on the moist mouth that already had him leaking pre-cum. A loud moan escaped Harry's mouth as the two intruding digits resumed their movements and brushed against something deep inside of him. "Draco!" He moaned. "I- I'm going to cum."

All contact was cut off as Draco pulled away and grabbed his wand. He cast another lubrication charm on himself and turned back to Harry. "Are you ready, Potter?" Harry could only nod.

Draco raised Harry's legs so that he could have better access to the Gryffindor's quivering hole, and slowly began to push in. Harry's body immediately tensed up again and he barely managed to hold in a whimper of pain. "It hurts." Tears began to pool at the corners of his eyes.

"Shh, Harry," Draco said, gently kissing away the traitor tears, "relax, it'll get better soon. Just relax."

Harry tried to relax, but it just hurt so much. He attempted to distract himself by thinking of Draco's soft lips kissing at the corner of his eyes. Just when he finally managed to relax, he felt Draco push in deeper and hiss. "You're so tight, Harry. Feel so good." It was taking all of Draco's self control not to bypass Harry's discomfort and ravish him right then and there. He slowly withdrew, adjusted his position, and slammed all the way back in to the hilt.

"Nnn!" Harry moaned and arched off the bed. Liking this reaction, Draco withdrew and aimed for that spot again. "Draco!" Harry called and bucked his hips.

Draco smiled; he had found Harry's sweet spot. All of his next thrust were aimed at this spot. Harry was moaning and screaming wantonly, gripping Draco tightly as if hanging on for dear life. "Draco," Harry panted with each thrust into him as the Slytherin set a steady, but surprisingly gentle, rhythm. Somewhere alone the line, Draco wrapped a hand around Harry's weeping erection and pumped it to match each thrust into the Gryffindor's tight little hole.

Harry's world froze as heat flooded his center and with one last cry of "Draco" the boy reached a staggering climax, shooting his seed into the air and coating his and Draco's chest. As the already tight muscles tightened around him even more, Draco screamed and met his own chilling release.

|::-smut end-::|

"So, Potter, still wanting to play the jealous ex-boyfriend?"

"You know what, Malfoy, I think you were right when you said it was only UST making me act that way."

"Told you so."

"Watch it, Malfoy, there isn't room enough for you, me, and your inflated ego in this bed."

"You love my ego."

"Keep telling yourself that."

|::-x-::|

Harry sat in the Gryffindor Common Room working on his DADA essay and not paying any mind to where Seamus and Dean were sitting on a love seat by the fire, snuggling up together. They really were a cute couple and so obviously in love.

"Harry, mate," Ron said, "who'd you get that love bite from?"


End file.
